Willll Howelllll-Cornesssss!
APPLAUSE
So it’s a week before Natalie goes to Hanoi and I head to Sydney via Singapore and Bris Vegas. I’ve warned her to be careful as Vietnam is a very different place to Thailand. I cannot believe that the time has come already to go our separate ways, we both knew that this day would come but I somehow convinced myself that it might not have to and that we could be together. I messed up what started out as friends who had great sex because, in a nutshell, I fell in love with her. How could I not? Look.
I wish I hadn’t as the L-word complicates everything.
It always will...
Although I’ve told her three hundred and seventy five times that I would marry her in a flash, we all know that isn’t true. Aside from the fact that she would never want to marry me, from my point of view, she just comes with too much baggage. Not the hand-held baggage that you can take on a plane, but the excess baggage that costs you an arm and a leg, or in this case a heart. A heart that you hold out in front of you saying “take it, it belongs to you” but gets sent back like an unordered meal, cold and untouched.
Not the kind of baggage that can be stowed-away in the hold either, but a suspect package in the form of a daily-suicide-threatening-ex-boyfriend who exerts more control over her life from six thousand miles away than me, the guy that shares a bed with her naked form every night.
More control than she does, in fact.
I guess we all have our Kryptonite, our weakness.
He is hers and she is mine; difference is I'm under a spell not brainwashed.
And there was me thinking that, guardian angel that I always am, I had gotten rid of that little problem by sending him packing when he arrived on our island, but alas no; he overshadows everything. Unfortunately he is so well and truly in her head, much of Natalie’s time is spent (in her mind surreptitiously, to my body language reading brain quite obviously) texting, e-mailing or MSN chatting to the little emo loser prick, (he is little; the same height as my ex-girlfriend) and since I don’t know what’s being said, I assume the worst. Now that I'm present for censored portions of those chats I feel that she lied to placate me and will get back with him.
She certainly had to do a lot of backtracking in the conversations I was privy to about asking him for another chance... She says he must have got the wrong end of the stick when he brought up her asking him for a second chance, but she’s an intelligent girl who chooses her words almost as carefully as I do. Now would be one of those times you would make sure there was no ambiguity in your intent and that you were being crystal clear. Its as plain as the nose on her face she asked for another chance; I hope for her sake she doesn’t get one as she deserves so much better…
He hates the moon but he hates the sun more, and it sounds like he is so full of venom and hate that he might finally let her get on with her life, though I think he’ll try to make her pay for what she’s done and doesn’t sound mature enough to just get on with it and move on. All she did was get out of a shit relationship and he posts his facebook update status to say things like "James hopes your plane crashes" followed by “heh” on her wall to get a reaction. Then a few hours later states he doesn’t really want it to crash. How fucking infantile. How old is he? Seven? And how on earth could this amazing girl, my best friend and lover have ever been with someone like that?
I fear like Gandalf says of Gollum
“My heart tells me that he has some part to play yet, for good or ill”
though probably the latter.
Of course by deserves better, I mean me. Someone who loves and cherishes her every move, someone who can protect and provide for her. I just hope she doesn’t let herself down by getting back with or even meeting up with her ex-boyfriend. I don't hold out much hope; her sudden seachange from talking to him every day to 'not seeing him for at least three months' was too much to swallow and I think she'll see him at the earliest opportunity. She's very convincing, but remember kid; you can’t kid a kidder.
I don't know if I'll see her again, we have said we would but who knows... I hope that we meet at some exotic airport or other in the not-too-distant-future but it wouldn't surprise me if she slips back into her life in Sheffield, maybe even get back with him, move in together, get a cat (or more likely a dog knowing Nat) and a baby and that will be it; game over.
I used to say that if you get back with him I'll kill ya, but now I'd just have to laugh... and write her off.
Forever.
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