SCREAM IF YOU WANNA GO FASTER

SERANDOAH NATIONAL PARK, VIRGINIA

Without even showering at her cousin’s, an experience which would last five days for her (three for me) we arrived at a state park in darkness. I made the quickest and best fire yet while Nat prepared the jacket potatoes and beans. Sometimes I feel at peace outside in the wilderness, collecting my thoughts, sometimes I’m so scared poo nearly comes out of my bottom.

This was one of those times. We could hear a group of kids way off in the distance but human voices can carry long distances, and as Natalie pointed out, in the movies they’d get it first. In fact in horror movie rules, so expertly laid out in Scream, it would be the girl who just bared her breasts for the camera who died first. Good job there were none of that going down. Ah.

I purposely did not say the words “I’ll be right back” each time I went to tend the fire. These were the kind of woods that faces appear behind trees. Where willow-the-wisps trick your eyes and unseen black bears salivate over your roasting potatoes. Torchlight only makes it worse, more like a slasher-movie as you frantically reposition the spotlight in the direction of the slightest noise. An hour or so later of hair standing up on the back of your neck, our jackets uncloaked themselves to reveal luscious, perfect, creamy interiors.

I’m talking about the potatoes not Natalie.