WELCOME TO THE HOSTEL CALIFORNIA

We stayed three days in total at the hostel, three days too long in our minds. Like every big hostel it was full of brash twenty four year olds who think they are God’s gift to life. They drink, shout and… well; that’s abut all they can do. One Swedish kid particularly annoyed me, so as a parting shot I conversed with a Japanese kid he was talking to, he thought I was taking the piss and showed himself up in a fit of cheap beer and teenage-like angst.

I expected to feel unsafe in LA, but when examples like walking down an alley and three black guys walk towards you only for them to greet you with a smile and the words “how’s it going” you have to re-evaluate those indoctrinations. That would not happen in London, f’shizzle.

After a few days staying at the awful hostel we spent our days at Dana’s flat between Santa Monica Boulevard and Melrose Avenue in West Hollywood, looking in vintage clothes shops and pretending to look for camper vans. We had met Morris, a Denzel Washington look-a-like, part-time actor, poet and basketball scout who “helps kids find camper vans” We learnt a lot about what we did and didn’t want from a camper van from Morris but essentially he was a dodgy geezer trying to bully us into parting with our cash for something highly unsuitable. We saw Dodge Rams (too small) to RV’s the length of eight school buses.

Dana was wicked, you never know what reception you might get from long-lost friends, let alone long-lost ex-colleagues you knew for a few weeks in the Australian jungle and Fijian beaches. She welcomed us with open arms, picking us up and even giving up her bed for us. She cooked us a meal the first night and I drank her beer while Natty was too tired and off the booze, begging questions of “is she alright, she’s very quiet” We bought Thai take-out the next night and looked for somewhere to stay on couchsurfing.com.

Dana recently got a job on Dancing with the Stars - America’s stolen version of Strictly Come Dancing. I saw an advert for it and it looks huge, bigger even than I’m A Celebrity, which with 400 crew and 18 million viewers was once the biggest TV show in the world. She’s done really well. I’m proud for her and she deserves to be proud of herself, uprooting from Oz to set up a life here. It seems you make your own luck here in Hollywood even more than London.

I contacted someone I've known for 27 years, a film maker I went to school with only to be told that he'd be too busy to see me. Why did I remove him as a facebook friend again. Oh yes. Seems real people like Dana are much more reliable and well... genuine.