BREAK ON THROUGH

Simon, Frankie and I continued life on the road and drinking red wine from boxes for a few more days staying in campsites with lots of other roadies and their motor homes.

We saw the Bay of Islands from a yacht which was really cool as were the bottle-nose dolphins swimming alongside the boat and showing off for the inferior-brained humans by performing backflips. We didn’t see any Orcas but we’re pretty certain we saw a shark. The captain of the ship drove us through the famous Hole in the Rock which I’m not sure he is allowed to, but we whooped and screamed as if we were at Whisky-A-Go-Go watching The Doors as we broke on through to the other side.

One night we kind of had a disagreement, those two called it a debate, and it was strange that I became embroiled in it, it was all a bit sixth form for me. Luckily the next few nights were brilliant…

Eventually we arrived back in Auckland whereupon we found Verandahs backpackers hostel. It is the best hostel I have stayed in; small, clean, newly-renovated, quiet and full of my new best friends.

In no particular order they are Kevin (24) from San Francisco - he’s a cook and although he drinks and smokes like a trooper cycled the length of New Zealand in five weeks on a single-geared bike with no suspension and a bike mounted beer holder which he swigs from as he overtakes serious, latex clad cyclists. I really hope to meet up with him in The States as he makes me cry with laughter.

Erich (37) is a Swiss mountain rescuer and also hilarious. He looks like a Columbian drug dealer. Emily (18) is German and crazy, but in a nice way even if she is very rude to Paul the French guy who has seemingly travelled to the other side of the world to play Warcraft on the coin-based hostel internet. I think he thinks he’s a wizard. The newest member of our little family is Silke (24) also from Germany. She did well to fit in with the absurdity of the situation and rubbish we speak.

Here are just two of our jokes:

What does Snoop Doggy Dogg use for his laundry?
Ble-atch

What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr Dre.

After Kevin’s incessant wshing of his balls in sinks, our gang is called the Indian Washnut Gang, named after the organic laundry detergent nuts. They are real though I would prefer it if they were imagined. The first night we drank more red wine from a goon and Simon became quizmaster. Seeing him without his girl there I remembered just how bloody funny he is, lighting the room and brightening everyone’s evening with his daft Bristolian comedy. It made a change for me to be someone’s sidekick as a while ago I would have competed for the attention but not any more.

I’ve been drunk for almost a fortnight now, what with the road trip n’ all but it really doesn’t matter so long as these guys are here. That said, my little buddy Kevin left for SF today

We played word and drawing games like backpackers do, with the self-titled “beautifulest girls in the world” Anna and Marika from Holland stealing the show with their self indulgent, over the top musings on love, life and themselves. That’s not true though because I saw the most beautiful girl in the world yesterday. She was on the bus and looked like a friend of mine from London called Vicky.

Speaking of self-indulgence, Natalie has started a blog, which she informed me she had hyperlinked the words “spreading your self-centered, egotistical bullshit for all to see and no one to actually read” to this site together with a couple more digs. What a complete… well insert your own word here. I think she believes this is all for her and she’s the only one that reads it!

You’d think that an ex-girl-friend or whatever she does/doesn’t want to be called this week would have kinder words. Good job I receive the love and affection she once gave me from K, oh and in other unfinished business news D got in touch too which while its not been mentioned must mean she is single! That said if I were a betting man, I’d put a tenner on me and K ending up together from the way things are going! But first there’s a little trip to America…

Erich and Kevin said that something I said was the “quickest, funniest thing they had ever heard” that the universe stopped for a few seconds and even God was laughing. They were still laughing two days on. Now that’s the kind of thing I like to hear, yes its needy but in my experience all writers and performers are, at least I’m self aware enough to know my flaws. Yet however needy I am, I know I always give more than I take in terms of emotion.

So let me take this opportunity to thank you all for reading, it does mean a lot to me and I do love hearing from y’all. The secret project is underway, and there’ll be a few changes around here, but trust me you will all love it.

I best get back if I can bare the thirty degree sunshine outside, as my new family will be wondering where I am.

There is, afterall, beer to be drunk.