THE WEATHER GIRLS

The weather in Sydney is like a girl; she blows hot and cold, one minute you are basking in the sunshine, lapping her up the next you are cowering under cover trying not to get hurt from the onslaught of hailstones. Up ‘n down, up ‘n bleedin’ down.

Apart from imagining the endless sunshine and hanging with friends I had this view of Australia from the previous five times I’ve been here that I would be leading a healthy lifestyle. When I worked on the Gold Coast although we’d all go out drinking every night, as the sun rises at five, I used to get up, do some yoga, star jumps, push ups, squat thrusts, tummy tucks and go for a run or better still when I had my deck a skate, every morning ending up at the smoothie shop for an apple, orange, ginger and beetroot smoothie and a shot of wheatgrass all before going to work at 6.30a.m.

I have lost weight, but not in a healthy way. It costs too much to eat health food and supernoodles don’t count. Tis amazing what you can rustle up with a packet of them, a clove of garlic, a third of an onion, a chilli, a carrot and a courgette. You can make onion, courgette, garlic and chilli supernoodles, so not that amazing thinking about it, not exactly a miracle, not enough to feed five thousand, but enough for me.

I had some money this week, so I bought some food, at least it meant I did not have to steal fruit and veg. Though at this countries prices that’s still appealing. Some things are dead cheap but others stupidly dear. For instance a lime that in Sainsbury’s costs twenty pee is a pound. A single ten pence carrot is fifty pence and a forty pee tin of kidney beans is £1.50, there is no rhyme nor reason.

With no money to go out, I’ve been living the life of a vampire, going to bed when the sun comes up, its just a phase I go through sometimes, being the world’s worst (or best) insomniac. What with the time difference days just bleed into each other and friend’s birthdays seem to last about a week. It’s just easier this way, plus I can chat to people at home about my project and the two girls in my life…

I’ve given up drinking, not for good but for a while as this is a major factor of my sleeplessness, but am going out to some free gigs at the weekend so will maybe have a couple of drinks, but not get pissed. Drinking the blood of virgins is much better than beer and its free.

Speaking of vampires, I watched Twilight. Essentially its an inferior, two hour episode of Buffy without Whedon’s genius. It spends an hour and a half telling us, the audience what we already know (that he’s a vampire) and the first major plot point occurs twenty five minutes from the end. There is no denouement, no tension; an utterly pointless film. Can I get those two hours of my life back, please?

The same cannot be said of Danny Boyle’s Slumdog Millionaire - just watch it. He’s come a long way since directing Inspector Morse.