24 HOURS IN TULSA

You know you’re unwell when the noise that emanates from your arse is the same as the trucker in the next cubicle. Morgan Spurlock famously ate McDonalds for 30 days. While we ain’t been eating McDonalds, it’s near impossible to eat anything healthy in this country. May I respectfully suggest, Mr. Spurlock , that you try living in an RV with my girlfriend and no electricity, water or LP for two months.

When you do find a Walmart (preferred choice of 200,000,000 North Americans) that does sell fresh produce, it comprises one fiftieth of the floor space. Everything else is packaged and processed. Artificial. It’s not surprising that they never venture off their couches. Despite possessing some of the world’s most beautiful sights, in between them, America feels like an imitation of a country; every supermarket, every truck stop is built to the same specification; reflections of each other, which is as confusing as shopping in a hall of mirrors.

Outside the town of Foyil, OK is Ed Galloway’s world-famous Totem Pole Park. It’s a typical example of the kitsch tat I was talking about. In his infinite wisdom, Mr Galloway decided to dedicate his life and land to building, amongst ten others, the world’s tallest totem pole.

I guess it’s these kinds of sights that make Route 66 what it is. As the light faded fast, just down the road we stumbled across The Blue Whale of Catoosa.

It is the remnant of a water-park where hippies in the Seventies used to dive into a lake from. High on L.S.D. naked yet covered in mud, with long tits and muffs down to their knees, no doubt.