Finding myself amongst the commuters travelling the hour from Surabaya to the seething metropolis that is Jakarta I realised that after my short time in Indonesia I have become a Muslim. I don’t eat pork anymore, I wear a silly hat, shout every word I say, gag violently then phlegm on the floor (even indoors) treat women with utter contempt and drive very, very badly.
The airport is where I saw my second favourite sign (after my best friend told me about a road sign he once observed reading only “Do Not Remove This Sign”) Mine was on a closed section of the airport and mistakenly read “Sorry for the inconvenient” I wasn’t too sure what this meant but less than three minutes later I was given the perfect example as I walked onto the travelator; you know - the escalator that goes along, not up. The sign was apologizing for the inconvenient bastards who suffer from what I have Christened E.P. or Escalator Paralysis. These contraptions are meant to speed two-legged traffic up to the gate, not slow it down…
Instead, gormless halfwits of every nation, though usually Japanese, stand stationary blocking my path to yet another flight where I hear my name called over the tannoy. Lifeless human sushi on a conveyor belt unawares a giant, sword-wielding, Shinto worshipping, Shogun Warrior’s oversized chopsticks could pick them up and use their heads as an aperitif without warning.
On the flight from Singapore home to Koh Samui, I met Scott, a banker from London and his beautiful wife Reilani. They gave me advice on living in Asia as I entertained them with stories of my travels. I asked Reilani if she had a sister, she does, but she’s married. Scott fortunately laughed. I will meet up with them next time I’m in Malaysia.
1 year ago
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