A HUNGRY MOB IS AN ANGRY MOB

Bangkok is a funny place. Thailand is a funny place. One day in the back of a tuk tuk I planted a kiss on Nat’s shoulder only for an old woman in the back of a truck to wave her finger and tell me off. Public signs of affection are not allowed in the land of sex-pats, but taking three whores home for a fiver each is allowed. That’s a little fucked up in my opinion, but just another of this country’s contradictory ways.

Inside our tuk tuk driver’s destination, the Chinese Embassy, the elevator lift opened far too early and without an accompanying bell. Three machine-gun armed guards caught us snogging then quickly separating before we walked towards them… with my flies undone. A complete coincidence I only noticed after the event. Needless to say they did not look amused. Almost as embarrassing as buying a porno DVD based on Pirates of The Caribbean from an Indian man in our home Fisherman’s Village. “Dirty slags” you could see him thinking.

Not much to report about Bangkok, trips to the back row of the cinema, restaurants, one called Cabbages and Condoms and endless taxi rides to embassies; Vietnam, Mongolia, China and Russia. The latter we had heard would take 7 days but in actuality took fifteen minutes, start to finish.

Several hilarious things happened but my favourite was Natalie in her new sunglasses at night narrowly avoiding walking into an elephant by about three feet.

I suppose the protesters rallying against the new prime minister getting fired upon by the police was something to report: Tear gas cannisters ripping the limbs from one poor beautifurl girl. They responded to rubber bullets by blowing up a car bomb, killing one more. Speaking to mother to assure her we were safe she was more interested in the cold snap that Somerset was experiencing.

As soon as we had finished getting visas we came straight home where we have slipped back into the overly-familiar domesticity that I came here to avoid. Spending 24/7 with anyone gets on your tits so some nights I stay in my own bungalow to give us both some well deserved breathing space.

Tomorrow we take another holiday from our holiday, off to Malaysia as I need to do a visa run, then island-hopping back up the coast for our last days together before Natalie heads home to the UK via the trans-Mongolian Railway.

So, that’s where my head has been at, I’ve missed or forgotten loads as I’ve been slack in updating this blog. Hopefully the next one will be less serious.

But to quote renaissance man Vinny Jones

“It's been emotional”