Ahead of us, steam vents blew like whales and we ascended what used to be a road until the 2001 eruption and pyroclastic flow left it looking more like a Colorado riverbed, rocks n’ all. The landscape changed. Above and to our left stood a Alpine mountain straight out of Heidi. Before us lay a moonscape or the discarded set from an old Dr Who episode circa Baker - the best Doctor… Tom, not Colin.
It was definitely not of this earth. The red iron oxide deposits told me I was on Mars yet the yellow sulphur suggested Venus or Mercury. Why Hollywood spend millions of dollars creating computer generated other-worlds when we have this miracle right here I do not know.
Nearing the sulphur jets we donned gasmasks; right up next to the vents was the same as being in a sauna only this sauna was accompanied by the smell of one billion rotting hard boiled eggs. Yellow sulphur deposits and volcanic mud bubbled away with the ferocity of a whole coven of witches cauldrons. As we sat smoking, Doni farted. I made the obvious joke and asked if it was him or the volcano, and as quick as an asp he retorted that it had come from his “black ass!” Hilarity ensued.
As I took photo after photo and a few videos of the most surreal place I have visited on this planet, Bristol Rovers socks adorning my feet, gas mask protecting me from toxic fumes I realised I truly am a Gashead!
In the car on the way back down the mountain, Doni informed me that “every volcano is different, Will”
“Kinda like women” I proferred
“Yes they both have a hole” Doni swiftly stated.
And referring to parasitic cones I was forced to admit “I like the ones with two”
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